July 2, 2003 10:59 AM Rant # 2

Brian is of the opinion that people might somehow be entertained by the kind of crap I spout out on a weekly basis. I'm not sure that's entirely realistic. For one thing, people will stop being entertained and realize I'm an asshole that much sooner. Plus I'm lazy. So for those few who will actually read this on a regular basis (I would be surprised if there were more than four of you, including me and Brian) I will try to belt these out on a fairly regular basis. Maybe aim for Sundays or something. This will require me to nurture my darker and more creative side in order to ramble on for any length, but I'm up to the task.

Today I wish to talk about nature documentaries. I used to be fascinated by them as a child. Now these were all dry BBC affairs with monotone narrators and crisp but otherwise uninspiring visuals. Lately, though, there has been a rather drastic change. Technology and more importantly style has entered the picture. There is some really rather good cinematography in these documentaries now. In any given documentary, you might witness something comparable to the plastic-bag-in-the-wind-from-American-Beauty type of stark yet oddly moving footage. But then the subject matter catches up and one can't help but picture the director as your classic "geek" sitting at a drafting table, consulting a text book and making little revisions here and there to the narrator's script.

I should point out that I'm talking about documentaries with actual animals in them, not the completely CG, we-paid-so-much-we-gotta-make-use-of-it, surreal deals that seem to be the rage now. My mention of technology was more in reference to the thermal cameras and satellite images. Cause there's nothing better we can be doing with our satellites, let me tell you. I was really wondering what the desert looked like from space. Thank GOD for you, Discovery channel.

Now seems like a good time to point out that I am, in fact, an atheist. Theology will be ranted about later, though. I make mention of the fact only because I saw something the other day that made me question, if only for a second, if there really is some kind of higher power. In some hellhole desert somewhere there's a spider that makes this weird ass Technicolor dreamcoat of sand and hides. It waits in ambush for ants, who have longer than normal legs, because if they don't, they would be unable to walk on the sand in daylight. These spiders will grab an unlucky ant and hold him down on to the sand until the thing literally fucking cooks. Seeing a spider cook a fucking ant on the thermal camera really made me wonder about God or whoever, cause sometimes shit like that seems too weird to be random.

Luckily, these thoughts are fleeting.

In the end, I find my feelings about these documentaries to be much the same as when I was younger. They've reached a strange equilibrium. Back then I only watched cause the animals were cool. Being older now, they're not as fascinating, but the quality is much improved. They remain, as they have since as long as I can remember, a passing interest. I dunno, I recently watched one about the desert and it just got me thinking, so here we are. Could be worse. Before I saw the documentary, I was thinking of doing a rant about the dentist.

Posted at 10:59 AM | Comments? (421)