September 18, 2003 09:39 PM
1. First is the Worst...

I honestly don't see what all the fuss is about. I can't believe it's that hard to come up with something to complain about on a regular basis. Just a little, insignificant mosquito to be squashed by the hand of humorous intolerance masquerading as humorous righteousness. I mean here I am working, going to school, having a life, doing whatever it is that Rob needs to do (writing, editing a school magazine, possibly starting a new one, etc., etc.) and even I think I can manage to write this every-so-often. Who knows why my predecessor left his post? Certainly not I. Maybe it was too many cats. All that purring and hissing and pissing, lord knows what else, must be quite distracting. So, I suppose it's a good thing I have no pets. Yes, it's a very good thing. Can you imagine that? Me caring for another life? Yeah, I can't either.

However, I can complain. I do that all the time. I rant and sometimes I rave, and I'm always happy to do so. Even if I'm wrong. Which I, consequently, never am. If anything I'm simply mistaken at the moment. But that's something else entirely. You know what's really frustrating? When you have a reputation and it doesn't precede you. I'm sure those of you who have reputations, be it for jay walking or being uptight or gay or simply wearing so much black that you must not know anyone because of all the damn funerals you're forced to attend, you know what I'm talking about. Those of you who don't have reputations, and trust me you exist, let me explain what that means.

A person has a life, they do things that people either remember or, well, they don't. Simple, really. I believe that I am probably of the former category. I seem to do things that people never forget, for better or worse. One of these things that I do, consistently, is express my utter disbelief or disdain for occurrences of an everyday nature. Now, what does it mean if someone who has that reputation and is NOT asked to write a periodical essay or somesuch expressing their anger or frustration? It can only mean one of two things in my opinion. Either, I've lost my edge (which I find hard to believe) or the persons responsible for requesting that service have lost their mind. Clearly, it must be the latter.

Now, I don't want to question anyone's logic or whatever it is they think with. And I love Brian and Rich, but come on. Come. On. Rich is probably one of the best guys I've ever met, and yeah, he's got his hang ups. People and things clearly annoy the bejesus out of him. You can see that by talking to him for only a few minutes. Be that as it may, he's still one of the most lovable, huggable, laugh-with-able or -at-able guys I ever met. Clearly, that isn't the kind of reputation one needs to write this stuff. I mean cats? What do I name them? Who gives a flying fuck! Who cares if a cat's name is Bootsy McGee or whateverthehellelsewasanoption. It's a cat. He won't answer to the name anyway! Really, it's just a comfort mechanism for the rest of humanity. Here's this one little area I can control and fuck it all, that damn pussy has no choice but to accept it! Well, so says you. In the morning you'll find Bootsy or Jethro or whatever clawing your couch, shitting in your shoes, opening and closing cabinet doors because it's playing hide-and-go-seek with its tail. And I'll be laughing because, hahaha, I've seen it happen and I warned you, I did! Well, maybe not.

But, I digress. This is besides the point. What really bothers me about all that, and it's not Rich's fault, he gave it his best shot... what bothers me is that I was forgotten about. Certainly, I haven't had much of a presence around these parts for quite some time. These things happen. But clearly, if there was ever anyone suitable for the task at hand it was I. So, this I blame on Brian. Second choice? SECOND CHOICE?! What the hell?! Besides, I don't know maybe Tony, who else has been told to "shut up" or to "watch your tongue" or to "get over it" more than I have? Who else forgoes the safety of friendship to speak their mind, no matter what the cost? Need I look at the facts? Sadly, I don't have any sim logs or chat logs available, but there are definitely a number of people you can ask to validate these claims. Hell, I practically single-handedly got us kicked off the old AOL Message Boards. Sure, the follow-up I prepared didn't last long, but that's something else. That's laziness. And not on my part.

Ah, laziness. Maybe that's what this is all about. Or, if not laziness, a lack of trust in my ability to be consistent? Yeah, I've been absent. No, not absent, just tardy. Very tardy. Maybe, just maybe, I wasn't asked to write this article first because I was absurdly late for some appointment that no one remembers but Brian. Maybe. Maybe he's just scared of what I might say. Honestly, I'm harmless. That's the point of ranting isn't it? Screaming with an unloaded semi-automatic uzi?

Well, here I am. Second choice, but not second best. I'll prove that in short enough time. Again, I have no ill will toward anyone involved in this decision making process...

But cats? Thank God, I don't have any pets.

Posted at 09:39 PM | Comments? (421)